Midrand KFC

That the Midrand KFC is an outlet for single women is news to no one. But at 8 p.m on a weekday evening you’d think they’d be home watching Generations. Not a bit. No sooner had I paid for my Streetwise Two plus an extra piece than an obese woman spotting gym gear rolled in and announced, “I need to charge my phone please.” I assumed she was a regular customer – she had the figure for it. But the look of shock on the faces of the staff said this was a new one, even for them. There was silence which the woman exploited to further her case. “I was talking to my mom”, she said, “when my battery died.” “This is KFC,” said the Xhosa trainee cashier. “Please! It’s an emergency, “ said the woman. Woman: (noticing a phone charger in a wall socket) “For only 5 minutes, please. Cashier: (aware that the proximity of the charger undermined her position) “I can’t do it, I will lose my job. Ask the manager.” The manager had been at the back talking on a landline the whole time. He could see exactly what was happening and was in no hurry to get involved. To her credit the woman waited a full five minutes for him to hang up. Woman: (suddenly sounding calm) “Sorry sir I need to charge my phone for a few minutes.” Manager: (surrendering the moral high ground) I can’t do that. You need to buy something first. Here’s our special.” Woman: (annoyed) “I need to buy something first before you help me with a charger?” There was no response. Then another customer on the queue, also overweight, whispered, “She’s got a chip on her shoulder.” The woman looked at this customer as though she might, quite literally, eat him for breakfast, and walked out. Idiots, I thought. You’ve lost your biggest customer there.

Khaya Hatile


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